


and that's okay / john murphy

by danavidanny



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Other, taken from my tumblr page
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 04:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4947127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danavidanny/pseuds/danavidanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The words "I love you" pour from his mouth, quietly, as if he's testing them because he's never said them to anyone before.</p><p>And then he's saying them a few weeks later as tears are pouring down his cheeks and his chest is heaving against yours and he's whispering that he loves you, whispering that he loves you so much but doesn't deserve you. And it tears you down, chipping away at your heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and that's okay / john murphy

**Author's Note:**

> I took this from a yet to be posted work on my fandom imagines blog (murdocksocks.tumblr.com)

Days passed in a blur of excited yells, rustling leaves, and the aesthetics of sunlight speckling the forest floor as it filtered through the trees. The trip down to Earth had been hard on you, to be so abruptly taken away from your cell, your parents not even knowing about it.

Murphy hadn’t been the best person to help you through your feelings about being down on the land that had been uninhabited for so long. He was rough and came off as uncaring, but with you, he tried his best to be understanding and gentle. He even began to open up about his own internal struggles and often came to you after having nightmares.

At some point, you realized that you were beginning to feel something you hadn’t really felt before. It was a warm, fuzzy, lovely feeling that blossomed in the pit of your stomach, working all the way up to you cheeks whenever you saw the boy. After confiding in Octavia about the strange feeling, she only giggled, grabbed your hands, and, smiling, told you that you were in love.

 _Love_. That was never a word you had used before with anyone other than your parents. You spoke the word to yourself in your tent, giggling quietly when you did, because it made you smile as it caused your chest to burst into rapid beating.

And John started feeling the same way. He had never thought about being able to love somebody the way he loved you. It was a new feeling to him, this fluttery, hot sensation that seemed to take over his chest when you smiled at him. He didn’t confide in anybody about it, though, for fear of being made fun of.

Your late night meetings continued on and during the day, secret glances between the two of you were stolen. Only Octavia caught on with the looks cast between her friend and her brother’s right hand man.

As you lay looking up at the stars through the mesh top of your tent, Murphy pokes his head in and gives you one of his rare smiles.

“Hey there,” you say, scooting over to allow some room should he choose to join you.

“Hey,” he replies, waiting for a moment in the entrance to your tent before settling himself next to you on the blanket. “How was your day?”

John Murphy  _never_  made small talk.  _Never ever_. He wasn’t one to ask how someone’s day was or if anything exciting had happened, but when it came to you, he was all about learning how your day had been. It was always the same old, same old, always the chores or the hunting or the watch shift, but he asked anyways. 

“It was okay. I went out hunting and we spotted a grounder, but that was the extent of my excitement.” You smiled, nudging him with your elbow. “How was yours, John?”

“I was on watch again, all day,” he says. “Wish you had been with me. Maybe then it wouldn’t have been so boring.”

You both grin at each other. You had seemed to come to this mutual understanding that there was...  _something_  there between the two of you; you just hadn’t stopped to work out what it was or what to call it. Neither of you wanted to make anything official just yet, but you didn’t want to wait too long to make it a thing because on earth, anything could happen in the blink of an eye.

Like now for example. One minute, Murphy was a comfortable distance away from you, smiling just a tiny bit and then you literally blink and he is leaning in. While it surprises you, it made you feel giddy and excited, anxious to get a taste of what his lips feel like against yours. This little kiss is soft and gentle and amazing and everything you thought your first kiss would be. 

The words "I love you" pour from his mouth, quietly, as if he's testing them because he's never said them to anyone. And they sound absolutely heavenly, rolling off his tongue like that, referring to you.

He’s saying the exact same words a few weeks later as tears are pouring down his cheeks and his chest is heaving against yours and he’s whispering that he loves you into your hair, whispering that he loves you so much but doesn’t deserve you. It tears you down, breaks away at your heart just a little each time because oh goodness, Murphy was a nice guy when he wasn’t acting like a douchebag.

You’re pulling yourself away from him as he’s trying to hold on tighter. He doesn’t want to let you go because if he does, then surely he’ll lose you forever.

“Murphy,” you say quietly.

This is it, he thinks. This is the end of the line. They’re going to disappear no matter what.

“John, please,” you say again.

This catches his attention at last. He hated people calling him John, but when you said it, just something about the way it rolled off your tongue made it sound so much better. Your lover finally looks up at you, tears still silently slipping down his face.

You place your hands on his cheeks, rubbing your thumbs across the spots under his eyes, wiping away tears that were left behind, tears that were caused by an overwhelming thought that you were just too good for him.

“You’re not perfect,” you say, and his heart completely drops. “But neither am I. Nothing in this universe is perfect.”

“But you’re too great to me, you deserve so much better than somebody who acts like this,” John mutters.

You smile softly and shake your head. “No I don’t. I deserve someone who treats me like I mean the world to them and that’s what you do. You treat me like I am the stars and the moon and the sun.”

He smiles just a little bit, just a ghost of a smile that nearly sends you into tears because any of John’s smiles are so nice when they’re directed towards you.

“ _Love isn’t perfect and that’s okay_. That’s perfectly okay,” you whisper, pulling his face towards yours so that your foreheads are leaning against each other.

“I love you,” he says.

He says it over and over again like he was just a few minutes ago, but this time, his arms are wrapped around you, holding you close to his chest, and the tears are still on go but they’re happy tears. Happy because he loves you so much and you love him even more. 


End file.
